In any romantic relationship, there is confrontation. It's natural. The same chemical mechanism that produces love passion generates behavioral reactions that, as passionate, can become bellicose.
The fire of love sometimes ignites other passions. Arguing passionately over trifles is a common habit. To make sure that this behavior does not become an impediment to happiness is the work of lovers.
If it is a problem, it has a solution.
It is naive to think that with five steps you can solve all the problems of a couple. But it is also exaggerated to think that all conflicts will have a sad outcome or need a visit to a therapist.
To solve a couple's problems in everyday life (and not allow them a gigantic snowball), the most important thing is a strong will. Both of you need to have the desire to resolve the uncomfortable situation and get out of the problem.
What is a couple's problem?A couple's problem can range from a minor disagreement to a major issue that may require therapy. Statistically, the most recurrent reasons are:
- One partner feels jealous
- One partner alleges poor communication
- One or both partners are dissatisfied with sexual life.
- One partner feels that he/she has more tasks.
- One partner feels neglected.
All of them trigger reactions like anger, disenchantment, and disillusionment. In order not to reach any of these states and to keep floating on the seas of love, there are five love languages you can use:
1. words of affirmation
2. Acts of service
4. Quality time
5. Physical contact
There are many other languages to express affection. But, we will use these from American psychologist Gary Chapman to help you solve a couple's problem.
Where to start. Words of affirmation
The first language of love is words of affirmation. Speaking, writing, expressing emotions to one's partner is a way of making our love known. Lovers who like to give compliments, say nice words, and verbalize their affection to their partners find it much easier to solve a problem. Why? Because they are used to verbally stimulating and stimulating each other. This ability is one of the main qualities of a lover because it will be easy for them to express themselves when they are uncomfortable or when they have to apologize.
Even if you don't want to resolve the issue by talking in person, text messages, notes, emails, voice memos are helpful to initiate conflict resolution through dialogue.
During and after a fight, your partner needs to feel understood and appreciated. Words of affirmation are the tool you need in that uncomfortable moment before the negotiation begins.
Letting your guard down. Acts of ServiceIf your love language is actions rather than words, you probably demonstrate your affection with acts of service. Marriage counselors describe the actions that one partner does to make the other partner's life easier. Someone who usually prepares soup for a sick partner does so even when is upset.
If during or after a fight you can prepare and serve the morning coffee, you have already gone a long way toward reconciliation. An act of service is an excellent way to raise the peace flag.
Even if you are going through an awkward moment, remember not to ignore your partner asks for help.
Overcoming confrontation. Giving or receiving gifts.It may seem a simplistic and materialistic detail, but a gift is a great act of conciliation. A present is not only the object given. It is the gesture of detachment that it implies. To make a gift, the first thing you do is to think about what your partner likes. You put your partner first.
Patience. Quality time
Solving a conflict cannot be a rushed task. If one pushes for a quick discussion, the other part may feel that the apology is insincere. Spend time resolving the conflict.
Although the anger phase should be overcome soon, keep in mind that the causes of the problem may still be latent. In that case, take the necessary time to find a solution without rushing.
While forgiveness is happening, try outdoor activities and whole days of doing fun things together.
Hugs and physical contactA tell-tale sign that things are getting better is heartfelt hugs.
Don't force it. Expect it to happen naturally after the most heated moments have passed.
Every couple will find the formula to transform and grow after a conflict. Using the love languages is one of the tools you have at hand; their practical simplicity should not be confused with banality. Love languages are in all relationships in different measures and intensity. Using them for your love relationship benefit is a plus for those difficult moments when you need tools to solve a couple's problem.
Check out our post on 10 Ways Love Languages Can Make Your Relationship Unstoppable