We hate awkward conversations, even having them with people we trust is quite uncomfortable. We're used to using euphemisms when we talk about money when we want to ask for some space, and even when we want to make sex-related requests.
But when it comes to your relationship, bashfulness isn't exactly helpful.
We analyzed prototypes of relationships with a high percentage of stability to find out what made them solid. And, as you've heard a million times, communication plays a key role.
But what do these successful couples communicate? Do they talk about anything under the sun?
No. Solid couples have had really uncomfortable conversations that have made their bond stronger.
Talk about differences creates a climate of trust in the couple's relationship. Not only because it begins to reveal that other self, hidden in the early days of being together, but because the real version of you emerges.
You may not feel ready, but just saying the first words is 50% of the task, and the rest will practically come out by itself.
The first embarrassing topic every couple should talk about is their own space. We are not referring to physical space. But to the different interests, friends, and activities each partner has.
When a relationship begins, it is scientifically proven that both lovers are attracted to each other in such a way it is physically uncomfortable for them to separate. But the hormones secreted during the infatuation phase will not be there for life. You want to spend time alone.
Talking about it will allow you to establish cohabitation agreements before those moments arrive. This conversation is vital because it brings up an even more important topic: trust.
If your lover can see that you have your own space and activities, he or she will feel at ease when you are not together. Each other's space is sacred. Partner contracts (formal or otherwise) need not be imposed on people's free will.
Monogamy or another relationship regime?
Do we really have to talk about it? Yes, because as time goes we get bored, and things can change color. It is not unreasonable to clearly consider scenarios that alter the relationship with the probable appearance of a third party. On the contrary, hiding and mystifying the fact is foolish.
Many people who live in a couple often believe that their spouse shares the definition of a monogamous relationship; however, this is false.
In a marriage, each partner has a personal definition of monogamy but never discusses these ideas, much less agrees on the mechanics of how the relationship will work.
If someone is in love, they should never presume or take for granted that there is a contract of sexual exclusivity. All couples should understand that being in a relationship does not imply a guarantee of monogamy. This is possible by the agreement reached about third parties. And, of course, by respecting that agreement.
Even the agreements established at the beginning of a relationship do not necessarily have to be perpetual. And it will always be possible to update them if the couple agrees. The important thing is to have a conversation so that no one accepts unwillingly or is forced to accept conditions.
A relevant element is a profession. Expanding your thinking, being flexible, and negotiating is the key.
If you met your partner as a doctor, nurse, or in the military, you can't demand that he give up constant on-call duty.
Negotiating quality time is vital.
The levels of tolerance and respect for each other's profession are elements to discuss, plan and enhance to achieve the objectives of a healthy coexistence.
Supporting and showing interest in each other's work triumphs is also an expression of love, as well as accompanying each other in defeats deepens the couple's bonds of affection.
This is such a hot topic that many couples prefer to separate assets before a relationship. But even so, cohabitation demands expenses that should be discussed clearly.
Do you have to know how much the other person earns? How much he spends on the fun with friends and family? Is it pertinent for both of you to know? Actually, it is not necessary. The most convenient thing is to be clear and consistent with the couple's objectives. This is the constant reason for disagreements that can easily be solved, motivating the other to the Future Plan built by both.
The families of both of you
It is painful to reserve thoughts about your partner's family.
Being willing to condone the erratic behaviors of mothers-in-law, brothers-in-law, cousins, and the other's immediate family is not easy. Boundary agreements with family members should not overlap.
The subject is particularly delicate because it is part of the offspring. The root of where well the being you chose as a partner, so it is necessary to discuss fluidly any differences.
Visits, parties, and coexistence are vital to avoid arguments coming from the family. In short, we come with a suit that may not be made to measure.
It is a reality that, in the XXI century, cultural taboo still impedes communicating our desires and fears in everything related to our sexuality.
It is a crucial topic to prepare for. The first thing we recommend is not to surprise your partner. This is a sensitive topic, so explain beforehand what you want to discuss.
It's also important to be tactful; sex is a complex topic that can do damage. If you have requests, don't make them like complaints, but rather suggestions or stating your needs. Then open the discussion to hear their point of view: what do you like, and what would you like to be different?
Some questions are good to better understand your bed partner and his or her needs: What is the time when you feel most sexual? Do you like the sexual approach to begin with words or with touch? How often do you want to have sexual contact per week?
Sexual communication is fundamental in a solid couple. The results are always visible in bed.
In closing, we want to remind you that disagreements and conflicts in relationships are inevitable. But with the right tools, they can be solved by talking fluently and from the heart. A strong relationship that lasts over time needs to face issues that are sometimes difficult but never impossible.